Makes me wonder…

by arishaaar

So this picture is a very clear representation of Squishy Tofu boy’s (my new nickname for him) relationship with me.

We are friends. Well more than friends but less than lovers. He treats me like his lover when we’re alone, forever playing with my hair, kissing me (used to), hugging me, letting me sleep on his arm when he came over at odd hours. In front of everyone else we’d act like none of this was real. We’d insult each other, yell at each other, smack each other, outwit each other.

He basically rejected and friend-zoned me permanently when I confessed on that faithful Valentine’s day. I thought I had it in me to leave it and move on. Hopefully there will be better, more good-looking guys closer to my age who would be mine but ever since that day in June when we coincidentally met each other at the cinema (second coincidence in one year) and we basically walked around Orchard and went home together, my feelings for him increased dramatically. Was it the fact he was in a leather jacket and headphones round his neck that got me? Was it the fact he put up with my epic PMS mood swings? Was it the fact he stroked my hair while I ate my ice-cream and talked to me with that low, sleepy voice? Maybe it was everything.

This year I had the most interactions with dudes than ever before and if ever any of them sparked any interest in me, I would shut it out within the next day and go back to thinking about my dear squishy tofu. Even without repeated reminder by anyone (other than Wendy), I couldn’t get him out of my head. He doesn’t talk to me on a regular basis and so the longing and desire to talk to him, be with him heightened. All the songs were about him, all those posts on tumblr were about him. It haunts me daily and I would do anything to have anyone take it away from me. More preferably him though.