This funny feeling of mine.

by arishaaar

Hello everyone I’m back. New URL, surburbanandtypical.

So this weekend has been rather interesting really.

I argued with tofu and totally cut him off from my life for now. He was insulting something I loved very much which was tumblr by generalising it and saying my “home” was full of hipsters and unemployed people in a offensive way. He’s not even employed DAMN IT. He has no right to insult people like that because they might be freelance or self-employed! A lot of tumblr do have a steady job and even have their own families and what is he doing? Shredding paper in national service. He’s not even doing the usual course of BMT (basic military training). Also the fact that he has NEVER used tumblr in his life makes his argument invalid, unjustified. He was being a judgmental twat who does nothing but judge other people? I know I love him but this is going too far. I try very hard to stop myself from telling him to STOP SINGING. He can’t sing at all. His guitar skills are great, no doubt about that. But he really CANNOT sing. hey at least I never said that to him. But on the other hand, he blatantly insulted tumblr in front of me even though he already KNOWS how much I love tumblr. He has to freaking learn to keep his fucking opinions to himself. Not only that, he’s a CHURCH BOY. He should be following what God says and not being such a critical asshole. God damn him.


Anyways, so I called my butler Alfred (hur hur) and ranted to her about tofu. Then we were talking about our friend. His name will be bear.

I realise I haven’t said anything about him. Here let me make this an extra long post by explaining just who exactly this bear is.

I met him on tumblr because me put something nice in my ask box on tumblr. He said I had an attractive personality and stuff and wanted to get to know me more. I gave him my twitter. About a week later, I had retweeted something about Leo’s because as everyone knows, I’m a proud Leo. He comments on it with an RT and I assumed he was a Leo as well. I asked him and he told me he wasn’t but he was a Capricorn. I didn’t really care until he tweeted me back with a link saying that “we’d have a very interesting relationship.” It was one of those zodiac things. We talked a little more and I got his number in the end.

We talk a lot and he is such a good sport. He doesn’t default to one word answers but tries to keep the conversation going despite his natural introversion. I like that I was rather impressed haha. I had met him once before Saturday with one of my friends and we just got to know each other a little better.

He walked me all the way back to my house even though he lives on the other side of the country and I felt so bad but he wanted to so I just let him. I liked that too.

Weeks later, I’ve just gotten back from school and eating my lunch and he, Alfred and I were all talking to each other and suddenly he texts me and he says: I know this is rather inappropriate but I /really/ like you. I choked on my fried rice. I didn’t know what to feel! I was still rather emotionally attached to tofu even though tofu wasn’t and then this guy tells me he likes me.

My brain enjoys comparing things once there are opportunities to compare. I compared bear to tofu and all signs were telling me that bear was better for me. He likes comics way more than me so I figure I could learn and fan spazz over comics with him. He understands my fangirling haha and he fanboys with me over Lee Pace so it’s really cool. But tofu still had this hold over me and I couldn’t bring myself to like bear.

SO back to Saturday. After class I went to go meet him in town. I needed to rant to someone else and I figured we were both bored so I decided, why not meet him? Alfred also told me I should diffuse some more tension (in a way haha ‘cos I’m quite scary) and meet him. We just kind of walked everywhere. I window-shopped while he kept me company by talking to me. It was weird, usually I and the other person will always stop and decide where to go and then start complaining that everywhere is boring. But this time, he followed me and I followed my legs. It was as if something else was controlling my legs and bringing me to random shops. We walked the whole stretch from one mall to the other and wow. Never knew it could be so tiring. We had a very fun conversation and I really enjoyed it. We even went to the playground near my house and climbed the rope pyramid. I found out that he can’t climb.


And now it’s Sunday.

I have this extremely weird feeling and I have this crazy hunch that it’s got something to do with yesterday. This feeling is I THINK a mix of a nervous feeling and something else that I really don’t know. It’s not butterflies, not a choking feeling. But I feel like I’m gonna be ill for some reason. Why? I get angry when I listen to slow songs because I really had the feeling to jam and listen to fast songs. I feel limp in my limbs and my fingers sometimes and I can’t even sleep properly.

I don’t think it’s love if that’s what YOU’RE thinking. Love isn’t supposed to feel like this is it? It’s supposed to be giggly and dreamy. That was me when I fell in love with tofu. So what is this feeling? I almost have this very urge to.. I dunno. Be close to this bear. It’s like “love” but it’s not really. I still feel like I haven’t known him long enough for any feelings to develop but there’s his confession sitting there at the back of my head. If I’m actually liking him already, that’s fast. If I am, maybe it’s ‘cos I know that he likes me so if I like him back I don’t have to be confused everyday and guessing and then getting upset or disappointed. I feel… safer with him. I think.

Not making sense since 1997



And you throw your head back laughing
Like a little kid
I think it’s strange that you think I’m funny cause
He never did
I’ve been spending the last 8 months
Thinking all love ever does
Is break and burn and end
But on a Wednesday in a cafe
I watched it begin again

-Taylor Swift

And all my walls stood tall painted blue
But i’ll take them down, take them down and open up the door for you
And all I feel in my stomach is butterflies the beautiful kind
Making up for lost time, taking flight, making me feel like
I just want to know you better know you better know you better now

-Taylor Swift ft. EdSheeran

Yeah, I’ve been feeling everything from hate to love from love to lust
From lust to truth I guess that’s how I know you

-Ed Sheeran