I can’t drown my demons, they know how to swim.

by arishaaar

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I can feel my sanity leaving me as each day creeps up on me. On all of us. Daydreams turn to thoughts of suicide, bodies are harmed, tempers become shorter, people become more sensitive to comments. I want to assume it’s because of this stressful year (major exam in October) but you never know, this could be the start of our slow torturous down this road of insanity.

As usual, my very over worked brain continues to work overtime by over-thinking a lot about things. Especially the fact that once the year ends, I would be out of secondary school. Out of that school, which I’ve spent 10 years of my life in. I can finally close that chapter and start writing a new page, a new chapter of my life. I am afraid of the things that will happen in the next 3 schooling years after this year. The people I’ll meet, the problems I’ll encounter, the happy moments I’ll have. I start to get worried when I think about this. My school has sheltered me in this tiny world of mine for 10 years, I am not exposed to the world at all. I see Singapore as a country with low to no crime, no real gangsters, not much bullying and so on so forth but in fact, it’s just because in my school, it’s really strict and physical bullying is not in our culture. Verbal bullying is adamant but there are many of the staff in the school who monitor us no matter how much we hate it.

Could life finally start for me? Will I find that one inspiring moment that could change my viewpoint of life forever?

Also, a friend confessed to something and I felt completely helpless when she told me. She didn’t seem like that kind of person but who am I to say that? I had this over whelming need to wrap her in my arms and protect her from all the cruelty in this world. She doesn’t deserve it. None of us do. We’re just teenagers, people who are given adult tasks despite our age and we have to suck it up and do it.

That’s all. Just a short update from my poor brain.

Insane since forever.

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She sits up high surrounded by the sun
One million branches and she loves every one
“Mom and dad, did you search for me?
I’ve been up here so long I’m going crazy”

-Hold on till May by Pierce The Veil

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