a long overdue short update:

by arishaaar

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As you all may have noticed, I haven’t written a post in 3+ months.

I’ve been really really busy because this year I’m taking a national exam and I had absolutely no time and inspiration to write at all, which is sad.

To cut the long story short, I had my chinese exams, am totally into a new TV show (Merlin) and have set up an #illhueminati account (@mxrphine). For those unfamiliar with the #illhueminati: the #illhueminati twitter accounts are people who express their deepest thoughts and feelings to other accounts and they act as a support group for them. It is one of the most effective ways of recovering as said by many hue accounts. They write beautiful tweets in a poem format (not rhyme poems). Did I get that right? That’s my interpretation of the hues.

Also, I suspect myself to be developing some sort of an anxiety disorder, possibly social anxiety, which really shocks me because I’m supposedly an Extrovert but then I remember I am only an Extrovert by a few points (on the MBTI test score) and I am very much an introvert as well. I noticed I have recurring thoughts in my mind that everyone’s staring at me, judging me and criticising me. I get so overwhelmed sometimes, I get dizzy and have this urge to faint or vomit. I get a very bad stomach ache as well and it makes me want to shrivel up into a ball and cry. I just want to be at home. I’m only fine when I feel secure and that’s with people I know. It’s upsetting and all this over thinking about whether I do have a social anxiety problem or if it’s just stress from this year that I’m like that. I just hope it’s because of stress.

Merlin is ruining my life.

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