school: week 4

by arishaaar

I am dying.

It’s the end of week 4 of 3 years and I’m struggling already.

I know it’s partly or mostly because of my lack of art skills unlike the rest of my class who are damn good at it. Wonderful things spawn from their pencil when it meets paper. While mine looks like a try-hard.

Scriptwriting is still alright, think I’m getting the hang of it. Unfortunately don’t think I’m on the level of creativity my teacher is striving for us to achieve. Gotta work on that. Thank god for him, he’s such a great teacher and tries to give us as little homework as possible which is always much appreciated.

IS sucks I hate it, it’s so useless really… well it’s good for product design and innovation students I guess? But for me, I’m not really one who designs stuff to improve life. I prefer thinking about other things. Well at least hip hop is as awesome as I expected it to be. Challenging but not too hard to conquer.

I got into dancesport for CCA lol chacha.

Drawing & perspective will be the death of me. I really cannot draw proper horizontal and vertical lines for the life of me and I still don’t know how to shade/smudge or whatever properly. I blame the fact that I didn’t take art but then again, I guess I should’ve learnt it by myself… argh hating myself again.

Principles of animation is such a burden… so tedious and frustrating but so crucial at the same time.

Light, colour and design? Another module I’m struggling in. I really have no clue about colours and layouts. I feel uncreative.

Fundamentals of Creative Professional? Another nightmare module for me. Again, I feel uncreative.

History of Film and Animation is still boring… trying my best to listen but I just get distracted to quickly.. need to stop oh man. History¬†essays due next Friday.

All in all, I feel like a pathetic, useless person who has no clue how she ended up in her course and I’m actually thinking of another course I may want to switch to, I don’t mind another year in poly but I’m scared it’ll be another burden on my parents shoulders because it’s so expensive. I really hope I can excel or at least do well enough in this course. It was my dream course, I don’t want it to turn into a nightmare. How does one just turn on creativity? How do my classmates do it… So amazing.

Also, suspect 2 guys are interested in me but one is creepily blatant. “I want to marry you for your dogs, your body and your money.” Sorry man, I’m not looking for you. The other, I’ve just met and he told Him that his first impression of me was innocent. INNOCENT?! Ok maybe not interested but… you know… thought about me. Still don’t think anyone actually thinks I’m eye candy worthy.

I think I really need someone to hold me for an hour or so and talk to me and let me cry and sob onto them or something because I don’t know how much longer I can go on doing this alone. (Preferably Him but again, He is showing no signs of interest)